Thinking Past Yourself When Giving Feedback to Others
by Erica Ariel Fox
Harvard Business Review, March 22, 2017
By Joel Almeida
tiny buddha
In my last feedback blog post, I featured two articles that discuss the science behind the fear of feedback and tips to overcome fear of feedback. I also discussed the maladaptive personality disorders of avoidant personality disorder and rejection sensitive dysphoria. This week, I want to encourage you to see that you can take steps to gain control over your fear of feedback by battling self-criticism.
The first article, When Your Toughest Conversations Are the Ones You Have with Yourself, discusses how many top leaders and managers that have built successful departments and teams by building an environment centered on practicing and providing useful and encouraging feedback to peers and staffers still struggle with self-criticism. These are people that seem the most fierce and confident, yet they succumb to imposter syndrome- the fear that they will be 'found out' by their peers as not being as knowledgable or competent as they seem. Often, this is related to perfectionism- assuming that love and respect are only earned through success. Both of these concepts are related to APD and RSD. What makes these leaders different from other individuals suffering from these issues is that "The ones who make it to the top learn to deal with the universal voice of self-doubt head-on" (Fox).
I want to point out the operative word: learn. In spite of their inner voice, these leaders actively seek out insight for strategies of conducting difficult conversations with others and make it part of their work culture. They meet the fear of feedback head-on not just by applying techniques for combatting self-criticism, but they use these effective strategies to train their brains to talk to themselves with the same understanding and empathy that they have developed in their work culture.
The second article is a technique for combatting self-criticism that the author Joel Almeida calls "REBS, short for reality-based self-congratulation." I'd like to point out that although Almeida claims that he has done extensive scientific research, there is no link to any studies in this article or on his personal website. I do think his concepts are worth considering because they encourage mindfulness and build a habit of consciously articulating self-positive thoughts when you succeed instead of just articulating self-critical thoughts when you fail. This way, you have a bank of positive thoughts to anchor yourself from spiraling out of control each time you feel the need to criticize your own actions.
Once we build connections between how we give feedback to ourselves and how we participate in providing feedback to others we can build the empathy necessary to seek out practical feedback on our own projects and efforts and learn how to give substantive feedback to others.
.
In my last feedback blog post, I featured two articles that discuss the science behind the fear of feedback and tips to overcome fear of feedback. I also discussed the maladaptive personality disorders of avoidant personality disorder and rejection sensitive dysphoria. This week, I want to encourage you to see that you can take steps to gain control over your fear of feedback by battling self-criticism.
The first article, When Your Toughest Conversations Are the Ones You Have with Yourself, discusses how many top leaders and managers that have built successful departments and teams by building an environment centered on practicing and providing useful and encouraging feedback to peers and staffers still struggle with self-criticism. These are people that seem the most fierce and confident, yet they succumb to imposter syndrome- the fear that they will be 'found out' by their peers as not being as knowledgable or competent as they seem. Often, this is related to perfectionism- assuming that love and respect are only earned through success. Both of these concepts are related to APD and RSD. What makes these leaders different from other individuals suffering from these issues is that "The ones who make it to the top learn to deal with the universal voice of self-doubt head-on" (Fox).
I want to point out the operative word: learn. In spite of their inner voice, these leaders actively seek out insight for strategies of conducting difficult conversations with others and make it part of their work culture. They meet the fear of feedback head-on not just by applying techniques for combatting self-criticism, but they use these effective strategies to train their brains to talk to themselves with the same understanding and empathy that they have developed in their work culture.
The second article is a technique for combatting self-criticism that the author Joel Almeida calls "REBS, short for reality-based self-congratulation." I'd like to point out that although Almeida claims that he has done extensive scientific research, there is no link to any studies in this article or on his personal website. I do think his concepts are worth considering because they encourage mindfulness and build a habit of consciously articulating self-positive thoughts when you succeed instead of just articulating self-critical thoughts when you fail. This way, you have a bank of positive thoughts to anchor yourself from spiraling out of control each time you feel the need to criticize your own actions.
Once we build connections between how we give feedback to ourselves and how we participate in providing feedback to others we can build the empathy necessary to seek out practical feedback on our own projects and efforts and learn how to give substantive feedback to others.
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